Saturday, December 31, 2016

Look! The fine line between Travelers & Tourists is exposed!

What on earth is the difference between a traveler & a tourist?
That's an interesting question.
Let me break it down for you.

A tourist spends $150-1000 a day.
S/he splashes out on the best plane seats on the best airlines. The wealthiest of tourists naturally hit the first class cabin. The tourists at the bottom end of the budget range just put up economy in flights found on Skyscanner, where people stink up the cabin, toddlers wail & cry & she watches a movie marathon on her iPad to keep her sane throughout.
Pays multiple arms & legs, for guided tours with Topdeck & Contiki, because she's too afraid to go it alone.
Eats her whole body weight times 10 in 'authentic' local specialties like macarons & chocolat chaud in Paris, triple-scoop gelato in Italy & blinis smothered in cream cheese, salmon & caviar in Russia.
By the end of her touring she is at least 10 kilos heavier, maybe 35+.
The brokest of tourists crash in dirty hostels, while those with a lil' more moolah stay in, say, flattering beach resorts, ice hotels & all the other 'it' hotels.
She flies all over the darn world ticking off her never-ending bucket-list;
gourmet picnic beside the eiffel tower, only to find herself in an air-restricting crowd of 1000 fellow tourists doing the same. Crosses the arctic circle to find it's no different to the rest of the world.
Risks her life taking cheesy selfies at Trolltunga.
Luxury to her is getting a hotel upgrade on land & first class upgrade in the air.
She goes to the first world countries; she comes from one herself & thinks the first world sucks enough!
She comes from Australia, the 'lucky' country, & is in fact, barking mad at the psychopathic right wing politics here.
She's 'traveling' to escape her corrupt home country so she does not defeat the purpose going to 'actual' third world countries to find more corruption & poverty. She does not seek to take the fun out of 'traveling' going to a country with confronting poverty.
She comes home plump & poor, craving to go back for more. But her long-haul flights, ConTopdeck* tours, excess eating of macarons & Nutella crepes, club hopping Berlin & Russian vodka tasting has left her with $0.14 the bank, so it's impossible to feed her always-hungry tourism bug again anytime soon.
She cries on the sofa for days with towers of kleenex & pints of Ben & Jerry's, jealously scrolling through Instagram & seeing picture perfect snaps from around the globe.
That's why she even goes to work; so she can afford to be a cheap & extravagant mess around the world all over again & let the cycle repeat itself forever...

*ConTopdeck: the combining of the two leading tour operators for youngsters: Contiki & Topdeck.

A traveler easily lives on a dollar a day or spends nothing at all.
How the heck?
She crashes in a swag that she pitches after dark.
Or she stays with strangers, friends & family.
Luxury to her is a solid, soft bed, steaming hot shower & a good Sunday roast when she stays with a host.
At her happy time of the month, she goes in isolation at an empty forest, meadow or beach, she does not spend an arm & leg on feminine hygiene products. She's been to poor regions where women do without it, so why can't she?
She doesn't give a stuff about the stupid Eiffel Tower or the Statue of liberty; climbing those darn things is a jolly waste of time, she's gotta go places with her own two legs!
That's right, she does not spend gold on cars, coaches or planes, she simply walks to get from a to b to all over the darn globe!
To cross the pond, she hitches a yacht ride across the sea. Planes are a ludicrous waste of money & carbon emissions (travelers are often purist hippies as well)
She skips the crowded, expensive hotspots like Paris & NYC where strangers are selfish & not hospitable & the risk of getting a camping fine is too hot dang high.
She eats survives on oats, peanut butter, dumpster bread & meals provided by her hosts.
Washes in creeks & public restrooms & cooks in public BBQ areas to avoid paying for utilities. Smart one!
Travelers don't have cameras. Cameras are far too ludicrous. In fact, even a pencil & paper are too extravagant! A real traveler draws pics of what she sees with bark & a stick, or ochre & rocks.
More than that, she does not shoot a pic, instagram it then forget it. For travel's sake no! She actually looks at the views, observes, & lets it live on in her memory forever.
She may be a traveler, & you might think traveling is automatically expensive.
But in fact, she lives cheaper than many people she's seen who are said to be living in poverty!
However, she feels richer than your typical tourist or high income earner because she is rich in experience, adventure, culture & all the education she got from traveling that school could never teach her!
She is very fit from walking everywhere she goes to save every penny. Forget the bloody gym! Squat's & lunges, treadmill & 6am jogs? Trick please! Forget frequent flyer points too, this way is cheaper!
She is one happy chappy traveler because her daily routine is actually adventure & she does not go to work to pay bills & die.
She's livin the good life!
Or what a typical grownup would say, running away from the 'real' world.

Basically, a tourist is a cheap & ludicrous spender with meagre earnings. She is forced to return home when she is left with $0.14 in the bank & gets very, very depressed.
A traveler is cheap as well, but cheap as in, like, live below the quote-on-quote "poverty line" cheap. But she never returns home; she is a permanent nomad with no fixed address! (By the way, I think the 'poverty line' is a load of garbage as you can't look at a number & say that that determines poverty. But I will stop there as I will only tolerate very minimal to no political discussion on this blog that's meant to be fun & light hearted.)

What else? What the heck else distinguishes a traveler from a tourist?

Please make sure you subscribe for more fun posts to come & share it round, m'kay? I will try not to get caught up in politics as I blog for fun, not for heated arguments!

Peace out mate x

PS this was all a joke XD maybe there are some stereotypes in there that apply in real life sometimes, but relax it's not absolute :)


  1. I definitely want to be more of a traveler than a tourist! Had never thought about the distinction until now.

  2. yikes! lots of cynicism and stereotypes here. but agree, some of these are legit.

  3. I'm from a "First World" country and married someone from the "Third World". Together we have traveled/toured in both ways. While some might see being a "traveler" (whatever that is) as more authentic, there is value in both.

  4. Entertaining read :) I guess I can recognize myself with both types. But as already mentioned - some things are true, while others are a bit overstated. I guess you can have a golden middle somewhere and that's where most of us find themselves in.

  5. Love the distinctions between the two! I'll admit, pretty sure I'm a tourist!!

  6. Entertaining read for sure. I am definitely more of a traveler, but there is definitely value in being both a traveler and tourist. Hybrids are never a bad way of seeing the world. Thanks for making me think a bit more. Cheers!

  7. Definitely entertaining! I can see myself on both depending on the circumstance and where I am because I don't travel full-time some places do feel more like a "vacation" but I try to be a traveler more!

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  9. Nicely presented.. I am definitely a traveler..yay!

  10. Interesting read! There are definitely exaggerations to both sides, but I like to think I'm a nice mix between the two, especially since I work full time and can't travel nearly as much as I'd like.

  11. I am at times both of those things. I'm not sure it matters as long as someone travels as they wish and pursues their own unique interests.

  12. Such a well written and original post! Sometimes, I can be a bit of both :)

  13. I work in a hotel and always think about this. I consider myself a traveller, not because i try to spend less, just because of the fact that I like to explore the places that i go instead of staying at the hotel around the pool. Both respectful options of course! :)

  14. Hahah I can definitely take this as a joke! I find it a bit sad that writers feel compelled to leave a disclaimer at the end of their writing due to berating of trolls. I think there is some truth to this and appreciate you writing it! I'm a bit of a weird one in that I don't really fit into either box. Perhaps sometimes I am a tourist and sometimes I am a traveler I can appreciate and afford the finer things in life, but I also willingly spend months on end trekking on a shoe string budget in S. America to experience culture and learn about myself as a person. I think there is value in both! Thanks for sharing.

    1. I feel like the 'top' travel bloggers are both! Attractions are touristy for a reason :)

  15. This post is perfect for wanna be travelers, they should know the difference first, especially the one where money is involved. you were true about the money, I certainly did manage to survive on my last trip to Austria! Such a great post! Thanks for sharing! :)

    1. How did you survive in your last trip in Austria? Like, were you doing what you could on a small budget? Thanks for the appreciation & ability to take a joke!

  16. Interesting thoughts , I think we can all be a bit of both and all people travel differently! I totally see value in both.

    1. I feel like many people in the world are both. Sometimes, especially over a long period of time, you're forced to live as cheaply as possible. Most of the time in fact. But for the thrill of it, you can afford to eat macarons & do all the pricey touristy stuff :)

  17. haha wow! I thought I was a traveler but maybe not :p

    1. Lol in reality you can check out the iconic eiffel tower and call yourself a traveler, this post is purely for the laughs!

  18. Honestly, your travelers description looks like backpackers description and somehow recently I hear and I read that "backpacker" has quite bad reputation among many people - "he wants to get everything only for free" :) Anyway, even if this post is a joke such kind of expressions "stupid Eiffel Tower" I believe not ethical. Do you have many places in your home town that you call "stupid"? If it's so bad, why you went to Paris?